“My mother killed herself when I was ten. I don’t even know why– women are very fucking complex. It took me five years to say it happened at all. My father sent me to one therapy session, and the woman asked me how I was, and I said I was good, and then I went home and didn’t want to go back. So I definitely don’t think I’ve resolved it. I have this way of making it easy for people to not be there for me, just so I can be there for myself. Any little thing can trigger my silence. Maybe I’ll cry in the dark so you can’t see me, but then blame you for not noticing. Then I’ll withdraw from you for not following the step that I didn’t even put out for you to follow. If I’m going to change how I treat people, I think I need to start making an effort to get into my own subconscious. I need to be OK with myself. Which means being OK with the things I don’t think about.”

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