“It started with a heavy chest. Then I began to have a fever and dry cough. They’re doing car tests in Minnesota, but I didn’t have a car. So I ended up walking to the ER. They put me in isolation. I wasn’t even allowed to use the restroom so I had to pee in a bucket Then they tested me and sent me home. I’ve been waiting on the results for days. There hasn’t been much to do, so naturally I’ve been scrolling through Grindr. A couple days ago this older guy sent me a message. My profile name is ‘Bernie2020,’ so he says: ‘Hi Bernie.’ I explained that I’d just been tested. And he tells me that he’s a retired doctor. He starts asking about my symptoms. He wants to know if he can bring me anything since my family lives out of state. And this whole time he’s calling me ‘Bernie,’ but I don’t have the heart to correct him. I wanted to test to see if he was a real doctor, so I took a picture of my hand and asked him to identify my congenital birth defect. He nailed it in less time than he could possibly google it, so I figured he was legit. And who’s going to kidnap a person with coronavirus? So I gave him my address. The next day he shows up with a perfect little portion of salmon, asparagus, four pears, and some very expensive looking granola bars. We barely spoke. He seemed more nervous than I did. He just dropped it on the steps, walked quickly back to his car, and said: ‘Good luck, Bernie.’”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s